this thread is for posting matt levine quotes in

JPMorgan made money that it did not, you would have to say, "deserve" to make

Probably what *this* should be called.
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Re: this thread is for posting matt levine quotes in

Post by Jeb Bush 2012 » Fri May 14, 2021 2:27 pm

Blissful wrote: Fri May 14, 2021 11:05 am whats the footnote
[3] By the way: Coindesk has reported that Tesla’s refund policy for cars bought with Bitcoins is that you get back (1) your Bitcoins or (2) the dollar value at the time you paid, *at Tesla’s option*, which is a really cool embedded put option. Presumably if you buy a Tesla with Bitcoin and ask for your money back, if Bitcoin has gone up Tesla will give you the dollars (and keep the gains on Bitcoin), but if Bitcoin has gone down Tesla will give you your Bitcoins back (and avoid the losses). Arguably a better business model than “sell good cars at a fair price” would be “sell lots of terrible cars for Bitcoins, pay a lot of refunds, and profit from the embedded put option in your refund policy.” The cars could be a loss leader for Bitcoin volatility trading. Dynamically hedge it! Ugh I really should run Tesla, I’d have about as much fun as Musk does but it would be different fun.

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Re: this thread is for posting matt levine quotes in

Post by Blissful » Fri May 14, 2021 2:32 pm

amazing
Image

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Re: this thread is for posting matt levine quotes in

Post by Skeletor » Fri May 14, 2021 4:13 pm

That's incredible
wow, [you]. that all sounds terrible. i hope it gets better for you

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Re: this thread is for posting matt levine quotes in

Post by Rylinks » Wed May 26, 2021 5:25 pm

Not all of finance is, like, Hedge Fund A figuring out how to exploit Bank B’s weaknesses, but some of it is, and if you were one of Bank B’s weaknesses you might be of particular use to Hedge Fund A

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Re: this thread is for posting matt levine quotes in

Post by Rylinks » Wed Jun 02, 2021 5:13 pm

“If you buy AMC stock it comes with popcorn” is the greatest capital-markets innovation of the century so far. I used to work in investment banking, building equity derivatives and equity-linked securities to help companies raise money and optimize their capital structures, and in hindsight we were idiots. “What if we used the contingent payment debt instrument regulations to increase the tax deductibility of non-cash interest paid on a 30-year-non-call-5 convertible bond,” we thought, like fools, when the actual way to optimize equity capital raising is by throwing in a large popcorn.

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Re: this thread is for posting matt levine quotes in

Post by the_zoomies » Tue Jun 08, 2021 11:02 pm

Jeb Bush 2012 wrote: Fri May 14, 2021 2:27 pm
Blissful wrote: Fri May 14, 2021 11:05 am whats the footnote
[3] By the way: Coindesk has reported that Tesla’s refund policy for cars bought with Bitcoins is that you get back (1) your Bitcoins or (2) the dollar value at the time you paid, *at Tesla’s option*, which is a really cool embedded put option. Presumably if you buy a Tesla with Bitcoin and ask for your money back, if Bitcoin has gone up Tesla will give you the dollars (and keep the gains on Bitcoin), but if Bitcoin has gone down Tesla will give you your Bitcoins back (and avoid the losses). Arguably a better business model than “sell good cars at a fair price” would be “sell lots of terrible cars for Bitcoins, pay a lot of refunds, and profit from the embedded put option in your refund policy.” The cars could be a loss leader for Bitcoin volatility trading. Dynamically hedge it! Ugh I really should run Tesla, I’d have about as much fun as Musk does but it would be different fun.
Next level of every dealership being all about financing (or hotels about credit cards)

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Re: this thread is for posting matt levine quotes in

Post by Rylinks » Wed Jun 16, 2021 6:06 pm

Imagine if you got long a stock and wrote a short report hoping to drive up the stock with a meme-y short squeeze, and then it went down instead. What do you do? Do you put out a report saying “never mind, we did more research and actually this stock is great,” and hope it goes back up? Or do you double down and put out a report like “we will increase our short position to 120% of the shares outstanding because we love trading phantom counterfeit shares and there’s nothing Reddit can do about it, nyah nyah nyah,”

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Re: this thread is for posting matt levine quotes in

Post by Ashenai » Thu Jun 17, 2021 6:04 pm

Like you come home from work and say “good news, Hudson, I bought you an awesome rare Hot Wheels car that no one else has,” and Hudson says “cool, I love Hot Wheels, where is it,” and you say “well it’s on the blockchain,” and Hudson says “can I play with it,” and you say “no absolutely not but there is a unique blockchain address that says you own it.”

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Re: this thread is for posting matt levine quotes in

Post by Jeb Bush 2012 » Mon Jun 21, 2021 7:18 pm

Here’s a little reading comprehension quiz. Read the following paragraph and then answer the question at the end.

You are an art dealer. A woman walks into your gallery and says, enunciating very clearly, “hello, I am a drug dealer, I have a lot of money and would like to launder it using art. Can you help me?” You explain to her the basics of art-based money laundering: She can use her drug money to buy art from you, with no real record of the transaction; later, she can say that she inherited the art or bought it cheap at a yard sale, and sell it for a lot of clean taxable money. She says “ah great thank you very much, I will be back with some drug money that I have earned by dealing drugs.” Later she comes back and says “hello, it’s me again, remember, the drug dealer?” She hands you a bag of money and says: “I would like to buy some art with this money, which smells like drugs. Smell it, see? Drugs. I guess I need to launder it, ha ha ha. To get the smell out. Because it smells like drugs. Because I got it from selling drugs. Because I am a drug dealer.”

The question is: What does this woman do for a living?

If you answered “she’s a drug dealer” you are definitely in prison right now because the only possible answer is “she’s a police officer.”

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Re: this thread is for posting matt levine quotes in

Post by Rylinks » Mon Jun 28, 2021 5:20 pm

Wouldn’t it be amazing if, like, Bank of America Corp. announced “hey we are making a ton of money in banking and we have built up a good capital position, but we think that traditional banking is a declining business and the long-term future is decentralized finance, so instead of returning money to shareholders we are going to buy a lot of DeFi coins and get into the yield farming business”? I am not convinced that any critics of banks would be happy if the banks decided to spend their profits pursuing innovative moonshots rather than stock buybacks. You might not like what Goldman Sachs Group Inc.’s moonshot division comes up with.

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Re: this thread is for posting matt levine quotes in

Post by Rylinks » Wed Jun 30, 2021 5:09 pm

And Goldman Sachs heard “the ones who sell early will do well but the rest of us will be hosed,” and its ears perked up, because Goldman loves (1) doing well and (2) hosing its competitors, so Goldman dumped its Archegos-linked stocks and did well

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Re: this thread is for posting matt levine quotes in

Post by Rylinks » Thu Jul 01, 2021 5:03 pm

So for instance if you work at an artificial-intelligence company, and a customer comes to you and says “hey would you build me an evil AI that will enslave humankind, I’ll pay you a lot of money,” you might say no. But you might worry that your competitors would say yes, and then they’d get a lot of money and you wouldn’t. So you might want to get together with all your competitors and agree that, even if a customer asks very nicely and offers a lot of money, none of you will ever build an evil AI that will enslave humankind. But is that an agreement in restraint of trade? Are you colluding to restrict the supply of AIs that customers want (evil enslavement AIs)

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Re: this thread is for posting matt levine quotes in

Post by Ashenai » Thu Jul 01, 2021 6:13 pm

I believe the second amendment clearly entitles me to all the evil enslavement AIs I want

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Re: this thread is for posting matt levine quotes in

Post by Jeb Bush 2012 » Thu Jul 01, 2021 6:42 pm

Ashenai wrote: Thu Jul 01, 2021 6:13 pm I believe the second amendment clearly entitles me to all the evil enslavement AIs I want
wow the hungarian constitution is pretty metal

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Re: this thread is for posting matt levine quotes in

Post by Crunchums » Thu Jul 01, 2021 7:02 pm

Jeb Bush 2012 wrote:
Ashenai wrote: Thu Jul 01, 2021 6:13 pm I believe the second amendment clearly entitles me to all the evil enslavement AIs I want
wow the hungarian constitution is pretty metal
In the year four thousand fifty five, Wykydtron came to life
Born of a scientific design to serve all human kind
Artificial intelligence bred for future war
When galaxies will crumble and fall to their knees

It breaks free from it's hold taking military control
A fate seen all across the world
It takes hold of the Earth, breeding legions to his control
Soon to seize all power in the sky

Programmed to crush
Programmed to destroy
Its brainwaves only wired for death
u gotta skate

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Re: this thread is for posting matt levine quotes in

Post by Skeletor » Thu Jul 01, 2021 8:01 pm

wow that's quite a matt levine quote
wow, [you]. that all sounds terrible. i hope it gets better for you

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Re: this thread is for posting matt levine quotes in

Post by Skeletor » Thu Jul 01, 2021 8:02 pm

"wow that's quite a matt levine quote", matt levine added
wow, [you]. that all sounds terrible. i hope it gets better for you

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Re: this thread is for posting matt levine quotes in

Post by Blissful » Fri Jul 02, 2021 11:51 am

Skeletor wrote: Thu Jul 01, 2021 8:02 pm "wow that's quite a matt levine quote", matt levine added
Image

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Re: this thread is for posting matt levine quotes in

Post by the_zoomies » Sat Jul 03, 2021 2:32 pm

Ashenai wrote: Thu Jun 17, 2021 6:04 pm Like you come home from work and say “good news, Hudson, I bought you an awesome rare Hot Wheels car that no one else has,” and Hudson says “cool, I love Hot Wheels, where is it,” and you say “well it’s on the blockchain,” and Hudson says “can I play with it,” and you say “no absolutely not but there is a unique blockchain address that says you own it.”
Imagine making up an investment item with a name that colloquially means you can never get your money out. That’s “no technically, you’re nauseated” levels of pedantry.

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Re: this thread is for posting matt levine quotes in

Post by Jeb Bush 2012 » Tue Jul 13, 2021 4:36 pm

“Investors Trusted Teenagers to Manage Crypto Investments. Now They Want Answers.”
The answer is that you trusted teenagers to manage your crypto investments.

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Re: this thread is for posting matt levine quotes in

Post by Crunchums » Tue Jul 13, 2021 4:42 pm

they said answers
u gotta skate

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Re: this thread is for posting matt levine quotes in

Post by Jeb Bush 2012 » Tue Jul 13, 2021 4:50 pm

each teenager you trusted to manage your crypto investments is one of the answers

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Re: this thread is for posting matt levine quotes in

Post by Jeb Bush 2012 » Tue Jul 13, 2021 4:50 pm

for that matter "your crypto investments" is another set of answers

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Re: this thread is for posting matt levine quotes in

Post by Doug » Tue Jul 13, 2021 4:56 pm

does Jenny like Ryan or does Jenny like Brad
It's your turn in Cthulhu Wars
It's your turn in Squirrel Wars
It's your turn in Demon Wars
It's your turn in Wall Street Wars

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Re: this thread is for posting matt levine quotes in

Post by Ashenai » Tue Jul 13, 2021 5:05 pm

“If we are entertaining people, they would write stories about us and we don’t have to spend on advertising which would reduce the price of our cars,” Musk said Monday.

“I do have a sense of humor,” Musk added. “I think I’m funny.”

Look he’s not wrong. About the advertising I mean.

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Re: this thread is for posting matt levine quotes in

Post by Doug » Tue Jul 13, 2021 5:29 pm

It don't bother me if people think I'm funny
'Cause I'm a big rock star and I make-a lots of money

--Alice Bowie (Cheech and Chong)
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Re: this thread is for posting matt levine quotes in

Post by Rylinks » Thu Jul 15, 2021 6:30 pm

Another problem is that distressed investors often do capital-structure arbitrage trades, buying debt that they think will do well in a restructuring and hedging it by shorting stock that they think will get wiped out. The problem with this trade is that if a company gets memed, its stock (which you are short) can shoot up thousands of percentage points, but the bonds (which you are long) aren’t going to trade to 200 cents on the dollar, mostly because nobody trades bonds on Robinhood.

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Re: this thread is for posting matt levine quotes in

Post by Jeb Bush 2012 » Thu Jul 22, 2021 6:39 pm

Musk: I bought some Dogecoin in a college savings account for my child Ethan, I mean, X Æ A-Xii.

Dogecoin: [goes up to $0.76]

Musk: But Tesla will not accept it as payment for our tequila.

Dogecoin: [goes down to $0.61]

Musk: Also the Boring Co. will start digging Dogecoin mines.

Dogecoin: [goes up to $0.72]

Musk: But my brother Kimbal has been selling Dogecoin.

Dogecoin: [goes down to $0.68]

Musk: But my ex-wife’s cousin’s nephew bought some.

Dogecoin: [goes up to $0.69]

Musk: Nice.

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Re: this thread is for posting matt levine quotes in

Post by Ashenai » Thu Jul 22, 2021 8:57 pm

lmao

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Re: this thread is for posting matt levine quotes in

Post by Skeletor » Fri Jul 23, 2021 4:56 pm

Jeb Bush 2012 wrote: Thu Jul 22, 2021 6:39 pm Musk: I bought some Dogecoin in a college savings account for my child Ethan, I mean, X Æ A-Xii.

Dogecoin: [goes up to $0.76]

Musk: But Tesla will not accept it as payment for our tequila.

Dogecoin: [goes down to $0.61]

Musk: Also the Boring Co. will start digging Dogecoin mines.

Dogecoin: [goes up to $0.72]

Musk: But my brother Kimbal has been selling Dogecoin.

Dogecoin: [goes down to $0.68]

Musk: But my ex-wife’s cousin’s nephew bought some.

Dogecoin: [goes up to $0.69]

Musk: Nice.
The most ridiculous part of this whole thing being the college savings account
wow, [you]. that all sounds terrible. i hope it gets better for you

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