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JPMorgan made money that it did not, you would have to say, "deserve" to make
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this thread is for posting matt levine quotes in
Remember the last financial crisis, when Goldman executives were hauled before Congress and asked about their subprime lending practices? And they looked bewildered and said, you know we don't actually lend to consumers, right? Next time they won't have that excuse!
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“BofA” seems a bit more suspect, I have to say.
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Hello, my name is Matt Levine and I definitely said this sentence.
u gotta skate
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Imagine if a tabloid owned by a public company threatened to publish nudes of Jeff Bezos, and Jeff Bezos just lobbed in a hostile bid—funded by his personal fortune, not by Amazon—to buy the publisher at a premium. He would have to put out a tender-offer disclosure document, and in the “Purpose of the Offer” section he would just write “revenge,” and in the “Plans for the Target” section he could write “I am going to find out who leaked my nudes and exact ruinous vengeance on them, and that’s it, I haven’t thought about any other plans.” And then management and Bezos would make their respective cases to shareholders: Management and its investment bankers would put together a detailed slide deck explaining their long-term business plans and financial projections, while Bezos would put out two slides, one saying “Vengeance Will Be Mine” over that picture of him looking buff in a vest, and the other printing the price of his all-cash offer in a really big font.
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so whats the deal with this guy?
with love, your good friend, seathesee
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he writes a column on financial markets and derivatives for bloomberg
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with most actual financial crimes there is an element of uncertainty about proof and intent: Who can say whether an offshore company is a sham, or whether the primary purpose of a transaction is to evade taxes? But if you send an undercover agent wearing a wire and he says “I would like to do sham transactions for the primary purpose of evading taxes,” and the target of your investigation says “yes I love doing shams to evade taxes,” then your proof is a lot simpler.
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that's what i say too, manRylinks wrote:yes I love doing shams to evade taxes
u gotta skate
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I don't like doing it, but it works
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A good rough rule of thumb is that every financial transaction that happens, happens in New York.
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Imagine, as I do every day, being the Tesla Inc. “Designated Securities Counsel” whose job is to review Elon Musk’s draft tweets before he sends them out. (Bloomberg News calls this unnamed but undoubtedly accomplished lawyer “Musk’s Mystery Twitter Sitter.”) The first problem is of course that Musk doesn’t actually let the Designated Securities Counsel review the tweets before they go out, so right there the job is basically impossible.
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There is an exception for unionized employees, but a lot of jobs that used to be done by employees are now done by independent contractors. Port truck drivers, who used to be unionized employees, now often aren’t, and when they try to strike for higher pay they face antitrust lawsuits. Collective bargaining by Uber drivers is also probably illegal.
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if this thread's goal is to make me feel dumb then it has succeeded and then some
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matt levine writes a lot of things that i think are funny and/or interesting so this thread is so i can post the most funny (often) and interesting (less often) things
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ok thanks now i can form proper opinions on these things
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how interesting!Rylinks wrote: ↑Thu Feb 28, 2019 6:37 pm There is an exception for unionized employees, but a lot of jobs that used to be done by employees are now done by independent contractors. Port truck drivers, who used to be unionized employees, now often aren’t, and when they try to strike for higher pay they face antitrust lawsuits. Collective bargaining by Uber drivers is also probably illegal.
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the cadence of his writing is great. im not sure how you make finance news consistently funny but he somehow manages it
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Isn't this basically what happened to Gawker?Rylinks wrote: ↑Tue Feb 26, 2019 6:19 pm Imagine if a tabloid owned by a public company threatened to publish nudes of Jeff Bezos, and Jeff Bezos just lobbed in a hostile bid—funded by his personal fortune, not by Amazon—to buy the publisher at a premium. He would have to put out a tender-offer disclosure document, and in the “Purpose of the Offer” section he would just write “revenge,” and in the “Plans for the Target” section he could write “I am going to find out who leaked my nudes and exact ruinous vengeance on them, and that’s it, I haven’t thought about any other plans.” And then management and Bezos would make their respective cases to shareholders: Management and its investment bankers would put together a detailed slide deck explaining their long-term business plans and financial projections, while Bezos would put out two slides, one saying “Vengeance Will Be Mine” over that picture of him looking buff in a vest, and the other printing the price of his all-cash offer in a really big font.
Pour like Hemingway's last call.
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Have now read several of his columns. He’s pretty good.
Pour like Hemingway's last call.
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not really. Thiel financed a lawsuit against gawker; he didn't try to buy the companyDantes wrote: ↑Mon Mar 04, 2019 8:54 amIsn't this basically what happened to Gawker?Rylinks wrote: ↑Tue Feb 26, 2019 6:19 pm Imagine if a tabloid owned by a public company threatened to publish nudes of Jeff Bezos, and Jeff Bezos just lobbed in a hostile bid—funded by his personal fortune, not by Amazon—to buy the publisher at a premium. He would have to put out a tender-offer disclosure document, and in the “Purpose of the Offer” section he would just write “revenge,” and in the “Plans for the Target” section he could write “I am going to find out who leaked my nudes and exact ruinous vengeance on them, and that’s it, I haven’t thought about any other plans.” And then management and Bezos would make their respective cases to shareholders: Management and its investment bankers would put together a detailed slide deck explaining their long-term business plans and financial projections, while Bezos would put out two slides, one saying “Vengeance Will Be Mine” over that picture of him looking buff in a vest, and the other printing the price of his all-cash offer in a really big font.
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Sure the details of the heist differ, but it was basically a billionaire saying “vengeance will be mine.”Rylinks wrote: ↑Mon Mar 04, 2019 12:23 pmnot really. Thiel financed a lawsuit against gawker; he didn't try to buy the companyDantes wrote: ↑Mon Mar 04, 2019 8:54 amIsn't this basically what happened to Gawker?Rylinks wrote: ↑Tue Feb 26, 2019 6:19 pm Imagine if a tabloid owned by a public company threatened to publish nudes of Jeff Bezos, and Jeff Bezos just lobbed in a hostile bid—funded by his personal fortune, not by Amazon—to buy the publisher at a premium. He would have to put out a tender-offer disclosure document, and in the “Purpose of the Offer” section he would just write “revenge,” and in the “Plans for the Target” section he could write “I am going to find out who leaked my nudes and exact ruinous vengeance on them, and that’s it, I haven’t thought about any other plans.” And then management and Bezos would make their respective cases to shareholders: Management and its investment bankers would put together a detailed slide deck explaining their long-term business plans and financial projections, while Bezos would put out two slides, one saying “Vengeance Will Be Mine” over that picture of him looking buff in a vest, and the other printing the price of his all-cash offer in a really big font.
Pour like Hemingway's last call.
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2. You didn’t simultaneously disclose the bad thing to shareholders. (Companies never file 8-Ks saying things like “our CEO has decided to sexually harass his assistant this afternoon,” so this is easy to prove.)
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Here is “Paul McCulley Sees Value in MMT; Larry Fink Calls It ‘Garbage,’” and I think what I am going to do here is not even spell out what “MMT” stands for. If you have come this far you probably know already and have strong feelings about MMT, and if you don’t it will not make your any life better to find out what MMT is and develop strong feelings about it. But in any case it works better just as a string of letters. “Warren Buffett Sees Value in [series of alien glyphs]; Jamie Dimon Calls It ‘Garbage,’” the actual content doesn’t matter, you can do this with any concept. I am not sure you need a concept even; if you asked Paul McCulley and Larry Fink about QNZ, probably one of them would see value and one would say it’s garbage, even though QNZ is just a series of letters I put together here that, dear lord, I hope do not stand for anything.
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QNZ is a quinazoline derivative that inhibits nuclear factor (NF)-κB activation (IC₅₀ = 11 nM in human Jurkat T lymphocyte cells). NF-κB enhances the ...
u gotta skate
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Look, obviously the move here is to build the hotel, no? Why shouldn’t Aurora have a 40-story hotel in the middle of a field? With no windows? And made out of lead?
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seems like a safety and health concern